Conan O'Brien learns the blues from Lil' Ed

A truly great sequence from Conan's week in Chicago. Plus, you get to see the fantastic Masturbating Bear!

If you can't beat 'em, set 'em as your ringtone.

All right, I totally have to hand it to They Might Be Giants on this one.

The quirky-song masters from Brooklyn have come up with a ringtone that makes fun of the illegal wiretapping by the NSA by making a lovely ringtone alerting you that you are living in a military state.

The short song called "Call Connected Through The NSA" can be downloaded here, and I have to say, as ringtones go, it's actually very soothing. Musically, I mean. Lyrically, on the other hand, is another story as it goes:

"Call connected through the NSA/Complete transmission through the NSA/Suspending your rights through the duration of the permanent war."

I can't think of a better use of a ringtone than for satire. Mine, sadly, has to stay on vibrate, ever since it rang at the climax moment of a production of Medea a few years ago. Whew, was that bad.

Mea culpa!

How NOT to rip off someone

I love Ebay.

I really do. I use it all the time, practically every day.

People ask me all the time if I've ever been scammed on it, by someone who defrauded me by not living up to their end of the deal. Honestly, I really never have. There have been some minor problems here and there, but the closest that I ever came to having a serious issue is where someone sold me a laptop and it turned out that it was not as it was described, but the guy who sold it to me refunded me my money because it had been sold to HIM under the same false pretenses, and he was taking his seller at his word. In the end, I lost no money at all, and my faith remains strong in Ebay.

Now, this is not to say that there's not fraud on Ebay, there certainly is. Sometimes these crooks are caught, sometimes they're not.

And sometimes something like this happens.



Meet Amir Massoud Tofangsazan. This gentleman sold a broken laptop to another guy, and then when he was asked for a refund for the broken laptop, disappeared without a trace.

Wait a minute. Without a trace? Then how do I have his picture and his real name if he's gone?

Well, you see, our man Amir may have sold a broken computer, but what he did not really take into account is that the hard drive in the computer was still functional and that he did not bother to erase anything off of the hard drive before defrauding someone else with this broken computer.

So, not only do we have his picture and his real name from this hard drive, we also have things such as: a scan of his passport, his bank records, his mom's passport and bank records, his resume, passwords to his email accounts, numerous embarrassing pictures of himself in various states of undress, an extensive pornography collection (both straight and gay), and, perhaps most strange of all, 90 photographs taken with a camera phone of women's legs on a subway.

These are not the sort of things you want placed in the hands of someone whom you've just ripped off.

Now, would I post all these things on the internet for ridicule and revenge? Me personally, no. I would not.

This guy who was defrauded, however, has no problem with it, as you will see while you pore over the entire personal life of this moron, who is about to find out that while two wrongs do not necessarily make a right, that SECOND wrong can, in fact, sometimes be pretty fucking awesome.

Are you ready to be severely grossed out?

I'm not kidding.


Watch it to the end.


Here it is.

The ancient art of looking like a jackass

A terrific posting on The Nonist about Chindōgu!

Chindōgu (literally translated "dogu" means tool, and "chin" means weird or unusual, not to be confused with the other "chin" in Japanese which means penis, thereby making the word redundant) is the not-so-ancient Japanese art of inventing ingenious everyday gadgets that, on the face of it, seem like an ideal solution to a particular problem. However, Chindōgu has a distinctive feature: anyone actually attempting to use one of these inventions, would find that it causes so many new problems, or such significant social embarrassment, that effectively it has no utility whatsoever. Thus, Chindōgu are sometimes described as 'unuseless' - that is, they cannot be regarded as 'useless' in an absolute sense, since they do actually solve a problem; however, in practical terms, they cannot positively be called 'useful'.

You following me here? OK. Let's look at some examples then. These all come from a truly remarkable book called 101 Unuseless Japanese Inventions: The Art of Chindōgu by Kenji Kawakami.

There's the hay fever hat.

The solar-powered lighter.

The 360 degree panoramic camera.

The backscratcher's T-shirt.
(See, the idea here is you have an itch and you say to your friend "Hey Phil, how bout scratching me in E7?" It's like back-scratcher bingo.)


And my personal favorite... the noodle-eater's hair guard!

The chronicling of Chindōgu has now led to the
International Chindōgu Society.

Click here for a wonderful interactive website about
the many crazy inventions of Chindōgu!

All right, my birthday is in a couple of weeks...

and I am so not dropping a hint for these super-cool Sex Pistols action figures!





but if I was, well..... all right, I am.

So sue me.

I hate to encourage this type of behavior....

but damn! It's pretty funny.



Never hand the drunk girl your microphone. Not even before you're on the air.

This is a cheap joke.

but it works.

Guess which one of these newscasters has an issue that they're not dealing with very well?

Rock'n'Roll Joke Of The Week!

Overheard the other day in the production office of the Chicago Theatre:

A tour manager goes down to the reception desk of the hotel and rings the bell.

"Hey Mr. Receptionist, I'm with the band staying here and my singer is in room 24 and I've rung the room like 20 times, and banged on the door but I'm just not getting an answer, do you have a pass key or some thing so I can wake him up, we've got a show to do!"

The guy on reception looks really sad and says, “Sir, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but the was some kind of accident during the night and your singer died."

"Oh," says the tour manager and walks away. About 10 minutes later he returns to the desk and rings the bell again. "Hey man, I'm with the band here and my singer is in room 24 and I've tried every thing I can think of to wake him but I'm just getting no response, have you got a key so I can get him up."

The guy on reception looks confused. "I'm sorry sir but I told you this 10 minutes ago - there was some kind of accident in the night, I don't know what exactly happened but your singer is dead."

"Oh," says the tour manager, and walks away again.

This repeats about 15 times before the receptionist guy finally loses it.

"I've told you this a thousand times, Sir, I can't get you a key to wake your singer, because he's DEAD! YOUR SINGER IS DEAD! YOUR SINGER IS DEAD! Why do you keep coming back here and asking me the same question don't you understand YOUR SINGER IS DEAD!"

"Oh I know that,” says the tour manager. "I just like hearing you say it."

Yeah, who's a mess NOW!

All right, I have an "office" in my house.

And when I say "office", what I mean is "storage area".

And when I say "storage area", what I mean is "dumping ground".

Once, my good friend Alexandra Billings came over to my house, and demanded that she and I both clean up this room.

I said "But Alex, this room is completely hidden from everyone, no one ever sees it but me."

"Darling", she said. "I cannot live in a WORLD where a room like this exists!"


Alex, my friend, this one is for you.




As reported by KSL, a townhouse in Ogden, Utah was recently found to have 70,000 empty beer cans in it, filling up every single room.

The story goes like this:

When property manager Ryan Froerer got a call from a realtor last year to check on a townhouse, he knew something was up.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "Said it was the sickest thing he's ever seen. Just unimaginable that someone could live in that."

He couldn't even open the front door. It was blocked from inside.




Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "There was beer cans I would say probably this high up on the door."

The realtor had forewarned him about the smell.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "He poked his head in, the smell was so awful he couldn't go in. "

At the back door, Froerer was astounded by what he saw in the kitchen.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "As we approached the door, there were beer boxes, all the way up to the ceiling."




Inside, he took just a few snapshots to document the scene. Beer cans by the tens of thousands. Mountains of cans burying the furniture. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "It's just unbelievable that a human being could live like that. "

To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood.

Kirk Martin, Letter Carrier: : "Yeah I never delivered any mail there at all. I thought the apartment was vacant."

The cans were recycled for 800 dollars, an estimated 70,000 cans: 24 beers a day for 8 years.

Froerer e-mailed his photos to a couple of friends, who sent them to friends. Now he's getting calls from faraway places

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "It's amazing how the internet can have the effect and get around. I'm sure it's been around the world. "

The townhouse was cleaned up last year and it's just fine today.

The man who lived there seems to be back on his feet and says he's completely stopped drinking. He was welcomed back to his old job a few months ago, and his co-workers speak highly of him.


This man clearly does not work with Alexandra Billings.


Click here for video!

What happens in Vegas stays on your record.

WOW! OK, I thought I had seen it all, but this is an actual posting on the Las Vegas version of Craigslist:

Four single girls coming to LV - 21
Reply to: pers-162380491@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-18, 10:17PM PDT


I'm turning 21 in June and me & three friends are coming to Las Vegas for a weekend of partying. We are looking for two guys who want to do a Britney Spears style weekend wedding (we figure you can't go to the wedding capitol of the world without tying the knot). We're not interested in LTRs or anything like that, we just want to do this for fun (although it will be legal, we can get it annulled the next day). Please have a good sense of humor... if you think this is immoral or sacrilegeous, I don't really care, so keep it to yourself. If you want to hang out with us over the weekend and party too, great. We're very easy to work with.

So if you're going to be in the area the weekend of the 22nd-25th, you have a good sense of humor and you're not uptight, send me an email.

Britney, at long last, is THIS your legacy? Quickie-style Vegas annulments? A quick review of your song titles "Hit Me Baby, One More Time", "Oops, I Did It Again", etc. starts to take on a whole new meaning......

Imagine The Ten Commandments as a teen comedy

and you've got Ten Things I Hate About Commandments!

Time to make a new sign.

The Secret History Of The Doobie Brothers

Holy crap, is this good! I literally shot Diet Pepsi through my nose.

OW.

Totally worth it, however.

And completely filmed near my house!

A very sad story for a great band.

My son (who is 3 and a half) has a favorite band: The Squirrel Nut Zippers.

He's been a big fan of them since he was a baby. They're not a "children's music" group. For the record, my son does not listen to "children's music". His other favorite groups are: Helmet, Bollywood soundtracks, and interestingly enough, ME! (I can't tell you how excited it makes me that my son actually requests my music. I know, it's short-lived, but at least for now, I'm on the playlist.)

The SNZ played music that could best be described as "hot jazz", as in like jazz from the 1920's and 30's. In 1996, the band had a big hit with the calypso stomp "Hell", which so came out of left field to modern radio and yet somehow became a hit anyway. Here, take a listen to refresh your memory:





You remember this, right? In my opinion, this song marked the end of interesting music on Modern Rock Radio, as honestly, everything has sounded like everything else ever since. Sadly, the band happened to get popular at the same time that swing was making a resurgence, so people automatically lumped them in with the swing bands, which is nothing short of a tragedy. NOT EVERYONE WHO WEARS A SUIT AND PLAYS MUSIC FROM BEFORE 1990 IS A SWING BAND. Oh, why am I even trying, it's too late for this argument. Sigh.

Anyway, I think the reason why my son likes the SNZ so much is the same reason that I like them. Their music is filled with such unabashed joy and fun that you really cannot help but dance along. It's a journey back in time with the best soundtrack you can imagine.

So it's particularly sad and ironic to finally read the full story of their break up in the Raliegh News And Observer. The rumors have flown for years, but this is the first time that the full story has been chronicled.

"One of the first questions everybody asks is, 'What happened?' " Maxwell says. "I tell people to go watch 'Behind the Music' and extrapolate. Watch 24 straight hours of that, and they'll hit every single thing that took us down."

Definitely a great read, and a very cautionary tale for anyone who has a band who hopes for stardom.

I'd like to add my favorite song of SNZ to the end of this post. It's not a hit or anything, it's not even one of the more well known songs. But it's the best example there is of a band that totally rocks, but is in fact NOT rock music.




Thanks for trying, guys.

Warning: lame alt-rock joke ahead!

OK, this post is meant is meant to tie together the post that comes below it (Black Metal) and the post that comes above it (where this band is briefly referenced) but for most of you, the joke that I'm about to make is not gonna have any meaning whatsoever. So, if you're not like a big fan of Helmet, just move along, ok? You're just not gonna get this joke.

Still here? Boy, I probably could name you individually. OK, so here goes:



So, as you can see here, Page Hamilton of Helmet now has a signature guitar with ESP.

The price? $3,999!

You have got to be kidding me here! Four thousand dollars for a guitar that's tuned to D and can only play 4 chords?!?

That's it. That's my joke. Either you're laughing hysterically or you have no idea what I'm talking about. I told you.

It's all meant with love, Page. Meant with love.

The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics Of All Time.

Oh my god, this is funny.

Click here and see how the other half lives.

Meanwhile, in an alternate reality....

You must watch this immediately.


It's enough to make you cry, isn't it?

The greatest (or worst) sublet situation ever....

From the New York edition of Craigslist:


$700 / 1br - Subletting 1 bedroom in 3 bedroom (please read)
Reply to: hous-160332244@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-13, 1:48AM EDT


I will be spending the summer in a study abroad program and would like to sublet my room for June and July.

The room is 11X14 and comes lightly furnished.

Rent includes all utilites. Cable, power, DSL(Wireless)

However, there is an issue. (Actually two issues, one male and one female). The other two roommates walk around naked during the summer when they feel like it because the apartment gets hot and the power bill would be through the roof if there were three a/c's running. One of them is a stripper and the other is a former deadhead who have been friends forever. They don't really care who is there when they do it either(to my late mom's chagrin)

So don't say I didn't warn ya.

Warn me? I know several people who would pay extra for the nudity!

Hey, all right! Let's do the update!

Mucca Pazza on Conan O'Brien tonight!

Well, you heard me talk about them in the past, now check Mucca Pazza out tonight as they close the Conan in Chicago week on Conan O'Brien. It's gonna be pretty spectacular, so take a nap and stay up late!

If you have not been watching Conan in Chicago, I have to say it's been pretty amazing. A tour of the city with Mr. T, a blues guitar lesson with Lil Ed, and now our favorite marching band. Should be fun.


Shooby Taylor, The Human Horn on ITunes!

If you've read my original post on him, and therefore had your life changed forever, now you can buy his songs on I-Tunes! YAY!


Asparagus, A Stalkumentary! comes to NYC!

Once you've learned how to do "The Stalk", check out the full film at the Media That Matters Film Festival on May 31!

The info is:
Sixth Annual Media That Matters Film Festival World Premiere
May 31, 2006
7 pm
IFC Center
323 Sixth Avenue at West 3rd street
New York, NY
$11

Make sure you get up and dance when The Stalk hits!


WHOO!

The only known photograph of the real person in charge of the government.

Above George Bush.


Above Dick Cheney.


Even above Karl Rove.


Finally, the one who really is in charge of all evil that goes on in the government shows his face to the public.


Beware. He knows no mercy. No remorse. Cold as ice.


He'll stop at nothing.


As long as he has some place to store his nuts for the winter.

Oh GREAT. Just great.

As reported by the New York Post, soon theatre audiences will be seeing LIVE COMMERCIALS before the play begins.

In a bid to bring advertising to one of the few untapped audiences left, the London tourism board has scripted three-minute commercials to be performed before stage plays and musicals in Dublin, Ireland, starting next week.

Similar plans could soon bring the ads to New York, Pittsburgh and Germany.

"I don't know why nobody has thought of it before, to have a live ad onstage for theater," said Pauline McLynn, an actress who will appear in the first stage ads. "It will be a real thrill for the people who are here."

Yeah, gee, people will be so bowled over by these commercials. It's like something that they've never seen before all day, every goddam day of their lives.

What a thrill.

What is the dollar amount by which you begin to own responsibility for what you do?

In Los Angeles, there's a very popular music magazine called Arthur. It's kinda hippie-ish but it has excellent commentary and it's well put together. It definitely has a peace and love slant to it, but it never struck me as a real confrontational kind of magazine.



In Boston, there's a very popular band called Godsmack. Named after the Alice In Chains song, the band sorta tries to add some Wiccan and tribal ornamentation into what is otherwise fairly mainstream sounding alterna-metal. Their new album IV is currently the number one album on the charts. They kinda have war and anger vibe to them, but they never really struck me as a real confrontational kind of band.

Recently, these two sets of people got together, and it got ugly fast.

At issue was Godsmack's decision to license several of its songs to be used by the military in recruiting commercials. Now, as you can guess, Godsmack is big on the "We support our troops" front, doing shows for the soldiers and such, and, of course, this is to be applauded.

(As a side note, I can say that I have yet to find anybody who is like "I hate the troops! Fuck those troops!" except for these wackos, but anyway, I digress...)

So, Jay Babcock, editor of Arthur asked Sully Erna, leader of Godsmack, the magic question. Namely, does it bother you at all that your music is being used to persuade people to join the military so that they may lose their lives in an unjust war? To which Sully replied, in essence, "Dude, it's just music."

But Babcock was having none of it.

JAY: Okay. Have you done anything to prevent people from joining the military?

SULLY: No.

JAY: To maybe educate them as to what’s in store for them?

SULLY: I don’t have enough education in the military to educate them in anything.

JAY: Would you let your music be used for anti-military recruiting advertisements?

SULLY: I don’t know, I ‘d have to see what that was about.

JAY: But you’d be open to it?

SULLY: We’re open to whatever, as long as it’s not a Maybelline commercial.

JAY: [laughs] Maybelline’s more offensive than the military…?

SULLY: No. That doesn’t quite go with what we do.

JAY: Buth the military does.

SULLY: Listen. Where are we going with this thing? Is this interview about the government—

JAY: Well I’ve never seen such a pro-military band as you guys.

SULLY: But we’re not! I think [chuckling] you’re making us out to be a little bit more. When we’re asked about something, we just answer the question. We don’t go spend 23 hours out of our day supporting the military and what they do.

JAY: Um hmm.

SULLY: We just simply, an opportunity came up, they wanted to use some music for a recruit commercial. What are we gonna say, no?

JAY: Yeah. How hard is it to say ‘no’?

SULLY: Why would we, though?!?

JAY: Because—

SULLY [interrupting]: Is it because you don’t feel the same way about the government that we do, makes you right and us wrong?

JAY: Yeah. What do you feel about the government? Tell me what—

SULLY: Aw, that’s crazy, man! That’s just an OPINION.

JAY: I can back my opinion up from here to tomorrow if you would like to talk to me all day long.

SULLY: Well obviously you’ve done a lot of research and you’ve—

JAY [interrupting]: That’s right, because—

SULLY: —got a different opinion. We don’t know that stuff that you know, so—

JAY [impatient]: Why don’t you do some research before you get involved with these sorts of things? You’re talking about young kids’ lives. You’re talking about kids—

SULLY: [yelling] Would you rather not have us be protected so they can come and overrun our country?!?

JAY: You know what I’d like, Sully? A Department of Defense, not a Department of Offense that attacks other countries—sovereign nations—who do things in a different way than us, who we have no right to go over and invade and change their governments. Would we want someone else to do that to us?

SULLY: I’m not saying—

JAY [interrupting]: How hard is that to think about?

SULLY: I’m not saying that we were right on every war that we’ve created. I know that we’ve been damn wrong at times about stuff—

JAY [interrupting]: When have we been wrong?

SULLY: [yelling] but they have also been wrong too!

JAY: When have—

SULLY [interrupting]: I don’t trust someone like fuckin’ Sadaam and Osama to come in here and try to control—

JAY: [interrupting, incredulous] When did Sadaam try to come in here and control our country?

SULLY: Dude, [yelling] WHY DON’T YOU GO LIVE IN IRAQ THEN IF YOU HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH AMERICA? Why are you here?

JAY: Why am I here?!? This is the top country in the world, my friend!

SULLY: Well, why do you think so? Because it’s PROTECTED.

JAY: No, it’s not because it’s—

SULLY [interrupting]: –ruled our country.

JAY: No one is attacking us, my friend. Certainly not Iraq. Every first world nation suffers terrorist attacks. Get used to it.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that Babcock could have been a little more reserved in his questioning with this interview. All Sully wanted to do was plug the new album and hit the pool before noon, he certainly was surprised by the subject of this interview. Babcock completely ambushed him, and his objectivity was probably was the first casualty of the day.

But Babcock does have a valid point. Maybe the band should have thought it over a little more before giving permission to the Navy to use their music. It's pretty clear from this that they just heard the offer, and it just sounded like easy money. Why wouldn't they, right?

On the other hand, Godsmack could just as easily say that if they didn't give the military their music, the military would just hire someone to knock off their style and give them the same thing. What's more, Godsmack could claim, as Sully actually does in the interview when he exclaims "Oh man, are you like one of those guys that agrees with some kid that fuckin’ tied a noose around his neck because Judas Priest lyrics told him to?, that they cannot be responsible for every individual's interpretation of what their music means. In that way, Godsmack could find a similarity with some members of our military - they're not here to judge the mission, they're just supposed to carry it out.

But the larger point is that, in the huge new world of economic globalism, perhaps art and its artist bares responsibility for how it's being used. If you didn't mean to say "Yeah, joining the Navy is a great idea!", then maybe don't let the Navy use it to convince people that joining the Navy is a great idea.

Now does that make Godsmack in some way responsible for what happens to kids who join the military as a result of those commercials? Maybe, maybe not. But, with any luck, Godsmack (or someone else in their position) will be able to answer that question completely before they make that decision again in the future.

Listen to the full interview here or read the full transcript here.

Be very, very careful.

Below is the scariest and most awe-inspiring thing that I've ever seen on the internet.



I'm not kidding. Do not click on the link below unless you're paying full attention.



One very important thing - if you have a pop-up window blocker, turn it off before you click.



Are you ready?



Go.

You absolutely MUST download this.

This is an incredible opportunity here, so much so that I'm posting it early so you all can take advantage of it.

Courtesy of the truly fabulous jazz and exotica music blog Orgy In Rhythm, they are offering a download of the EXTREMELY RARE and out-of-print score to the 1974 film The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three by David Shire.

People, I cannot stress enough what an amazing score this is for a fantastic thriller of a film starring Walter Matthau. David Shire, who as we all know has had some ups and downs in the film scoring world, delivers his finest hour of super-cool funky 70's spy/bank robbery thriller music. He uses this obscure twelve-tone musical theory that he stole from Schoenberg, but seriously, do you care? Fuck, no. This is the juggernaut motherlode of some ill funk, mixed with some super intense scary spy music.

Here, check out this sample!

More simply put, this score kicks ass. If you've ever wanted a soundtrack for you to run around your house pretending like you're a 70's action hero, this is that music. And, look, just forget about trying to find this in a record store, ok? I have looked and it's totally freakin impossible, and now it's even WORSE since Film Score Monthly magazine went out of business back in January. Yeah, sure, I wanna subscribe to your website, FSM! Don't even get me started.

Anyway, click on this link below and see what I mean. Don't be put off by the weird download directions, just follow the instructions. You will not be sorry, I will stake my rep on this.

http://rapidshare.de/files/16347418/The_Taking_Of_Pelham_One_Two_Three__UK_.rar.html


I should give credit to my good friend Jason Singer for turning me onto this score in the first place. He's got the movie poster, to boot.

Why do I have a blog?

Because when I find something that is simultaneously fascinating, amazing, scary and appalling, I have somewhere to share it with people.

Take, for example, The Evolution Of Dance! It's 6 minutes long, but trust me, stay with it til the end.

Hey, turn that off for a minute, will ya?

Hi.

How are you?

No, really, how are you?

Me? Well....

I won't lie. It's been a hard couple of days. In 48 hours, I wrote and recorded 6 hours of orchestral music score for a play. It's hard to describe to you how much work that is, but you know that phrase "Rome wasn't built in a day"? Well, THIS was building Rome in a day, as well as the Vatican and Athens and the Lower East Side.

But somehow I got it done. And I was really excited about it.

So the core of this thing was this battle sequence, which is this huge epic section, and, to make a long story short, last night it was cut. 72 hours after it was just a thought in my head, it's now all gone. It was really disappointing.

Now, these things happen. I'm very aware of this. It's happened to me before, it will happen to me in the future. It's fine, really.

But, ya know..... I was just a little down.

SO! This morning, I was determined to not be depressed when I got to work. I got a good night's sleep, had some food, walked outside in this sunshiney day, got in my car and put this on:



It's Disney Bossa Nova! And you know what? I feel much better!

This album is the brainchild of Japanese bossa nova fanatic Yoshiro Nakamura who somehow assembled some of Brazil's top bossa artists and put together a really lovely record. This is true bossa style too, all the lyrics are in Portugese. But the real achievement is the re-invention of some of Disney's great (and not so great - go dig up that copy of your "Pete's Dragon" LP to see what I'm talking about) songs.

ANYWAY! So I put this on and I feel much better now. Now I wanna share it with you, so if you're ever having a crappy day, you can feel better too.

Here! Take a listen to the Cinderella classic "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo" and see what I mean:




Nice, huh? I can't tell you what a difference it made today.

OK, I would be truly remiss if I did not also post this (if only for my friend Alex who would demand it be posted if I didn't). It's "Cruella Deville" or "Cruella Cruel", as they say in Brazil:




So, ok, life goes on, right? Absolutely.

Thank god for bossa nova.

The greatest/stupidest website in the entire world is....

www.davidbowieisverydisappointedinyou.com


And don't even get me started on Gary Coleman and Tim Curry!

Finally! A holiday that I can get behind!

Well, as you may have heard, the Christian Coalition has declared June 6, 2006 a National Day Of Prayer. Yippee.

You understand what this is, right? It's because the date is 6/06/06. The number of the beast, if you grew up listening to Iron Maiden albums.

Well, ok, the date of the beast, anyway.

BUT! Some genius has come up with a better way to spend the day! Instead of A National Day of Prayer, how about A National Day of SLAYER?



Suggestions on how to spend A National Day Of Slayer:

- Listen to Slayer at full blast in your car.
- Listen to Slayer at full blast in your home.
- Listen to Slayer at full blast at your place of employment.
- Listen to Slayer at full blast in any public place you prefer.

Other ways to celebrate could include:

- Stage a "Slay-out." Don't go to work. Listen to Slayer.
- Have a huge block party that clogs up a street in your neighborhood. Blast Slayer albums all evening. Get police cruisers and helicopters on the scene. Finish with a full-scale riot.
- Spray paint Slayer logos on churches, synagogues, or cemeteries.
- Play Slayer covers with your own band (since 99% of your riffs are stolen from Slayer anyway).
- Kill the neighbor's dog and blame it on Slayer.



Hey, why should the ultra-religious have all the fun? Or regulate what your version of fun can be?

Grab yourself a copy of Reign In Blood and hit the town!

But how will we ever get to Moscow? WAKA-CHIKA-WAKA-CHIKA-WHOW-WHOW...

What's more sleazy than being a porn star?


A reality show on the Fox Network, of course.


But what's more sleazy than that?


You guessed it, being a porn star in a reality show on the Fox Network.


But wait! What's sleazier than that?


That's right. Being an actor working in the British Theatre.


As reported by Reuters, "My Bare Lady" will cast four leading ladies from U.S. porn studios in a classic piece of drama to be performed in London's West End. Their experiences undergoing a crash course in acting and appearing before a discerning British audience will air in three episodes on the Fox Reality cable and satellite channels this fall.

I am not making this up. This is really happening. But dear God, why?

"It's a wonderful tale of redemption," said David Lyle, general manager of Fox Reality. "Do they want lines that are a little more challenging than 'Oh, here's the pool guy...'?"

Sure, that's right. They just went into porn because they didn't get into Juilliard. Absolutely. I'm sure that they use all their Meisner training when they're repeating the line "Oh god YES!" over and over again. How did we not see this?

"If they can move a London theater audience to applaud, they have done pretty well," said Lyle.

Yes, between "Run For Your Wife" and "No Sex, Please, We're British" - both of which have been running in London for over 20 years - I'm sure that the discriminating West End audience will be very difficult to win over. NOT!

Seriously, the only thing more depressing about this idea is the very serious possibility that it actually may make more people want to go see a play. And then what? Are we all supposed to become porn stars too?

Well, anyway, it will make for a more interesting tech rehearsal.

Ah well.

Stephen Colbert rocks Republicans so hard that they totally do not get the joke.

Thank god or otherwise he'd be dead by now, and we'd never get to watch all of these videos. Make sure you watch all three!