Well, it's official. We're thrilled to announce the birth of our daughter Sadie Lillian Jones, born today - August 31, 2006 - at 6:36pm in Santa Monica, CA.
The baby weighed 8 lbs 12 oz. and was 20.5" long. The delivery was incredibly smooth and both mom and baby are feeling great.
Cute, huh? Tomorrow she meets her big brother, which ought to be fun. We'll keep you posted and thanks for all the love sent our way.
Who's up for some late night cheesy East Indian detective funk?
Nice, huh?
Composed by Kalyanji-Anandji, the theme from Don ('78) is the mightiest slab of brownsploitation funk ever. It is included on the beathead compilation Bombay the Hard Way, but does not appear on the official Saregama soundtrack compilation including all of the songs from Don and two other Amitabh Bachchan vehicles Zanjeer ('73, music by Kalyanji-Anandji) and The Great Gambler ('79, music by R.D. Burman). Rent the video of Don if you can. It's classic '70s underworld crime camp.
Oh, I know. I get the calls, the emails, the hints. Where am I, right?
Well, ok, it's now another one of those times when I'm on a serious deadline. Two serious deadlines actually.
The first is similar to this deadline, which remains that top secret thing that some day might rule the world.
The second is that we're moments away here from giving birth to our new baby, which could happen anytime.
Now, I have to finish stuff for that first deadline so that I can be ready for that second deadline, and, as you can imagine, that second deadline is difficult to negotiate.
SO. I'm off for the next few days. Sorry for the delay. I'll make it all up to you, I swear.
Thieves suck ass, there really is not a better way to put it. Two nights ago Dinosaur Jr. fell victim to some lame wankers that decided it would be a good idea to steal gear from their trailer outside thier hotel, located in Long Island City (Queens, NY). If anyone has any information please contact their management at 303.998.0001.
Missing Gear: 1959 Fender Jazzmaster SN# 38927 - decal coming off. cracked headstock at top near low E peg. color black with purple/bluish sparkle coming through. adonized pick guard gold metal. tuneomatic bridge gold, tuning pegs gold.
1961-3 Fender Jazzmaster SN# 62012 - purple sparkle, black pickup covers. headstock repaired, a whole new piece of wood was glued on for the top part of the headstock under the tuners and up a 1/2" , along the whole top of the headstock. gold tuneomatic bridge, gold tuners.
1964-5 Fender Jazzmaster SN# L21581 - orange, white pearl pickguard, stickers all over it, original tuners.
Fender Purple Jazzmaster new SN# R074329 - purple sparkle with matching headstock gold adonized guard tuneomatic bridge.
Rory Gallagher Stratocaster new SN# R25507 - has a big gold grover tuning peg on low E.
Well, I just finished my last travel run for a while (6 cities, 4 meetings, a recording session and a first rehearsal in 72 hours!), and I gotta tell ya, people, it's actually been a great time to travel. No one wants to get blown up so the planes are not too full, and the overhead bins are extra spacious. Perrrrrrrrrfect.
And, hey! Check this out: I got from Midtown NYC to LaGuardia in 25 minutes during rush hour! It's insane! It's taken me longer to get there at 6am in the past! Man, you gotta love a good terrorist scare (even if it is all made up) to clear out the riff-raff of travel.
Now what's the downside, you ask? You mean, besides potentially getting blown up? Well, there is this problem as reported by ABC News, which states that apparently gel-filled bras are no longer allowed on planes.
Oh yeah? And how exactly are we gonna know if women are wearing gel-filled bras? Why, with a lot of humiliation-filled inspections, of course.
Something tells me that this whole naked plane idea is gonna start becoming mandatory.
Congrats to our good friend Victoria "toy" DeIorio for being selected by Stage Research as this month's featured sound designer!
From the Stage Research intro: "This month, Stage Research welcomes sound designer, Victoria DeIorio. Victoria has her own freelance sound design company out of Chicago and has received two Joseph Jefferson Citations for Outstanding Sound Design for Around the World in 80 Days and The Shadow, both for the Lifeline Theatre in Chicago. Victoria shared with us her recipe for success for Around The World and how SFX helped her arrive at standing ovations and critical acclaim for her sound design."
OK, I think that the message here is: be yourself. And this is a good message. How this message is imparted is quite possibly one of the strangest things that I have ever seen.
But this is the message of Petey Green, DC radio personality and activist, whose life is currently being turned into a movie called "Talk To Me", starring Don Cheadle.
Once again, Scotty Iseri drops us an amazing tip - this time on the most awesome/ridiculous new trend in music: the gay tribute hardcore punk band!
Behold! Black Fag, the all-gay tribute band to Black Flag, one of the great punk bands of all time. Or, as they describe it, "an absolutely FABULOUS tribute to Black Flag!"
The band, consisting of Liberace Morris (vocals), Greg Streisand (guitar), Cher Dykeowski (bass) and Robo Simmons (drums), has been selling out LA clubs and have been selling their cd's and shirts at a pretty brisk pace.
But what do they sound like? I'm so glad you asked. Let's check out their interpretations of three Black Flag classics: Wasted, Six Pack and Jealous Again.
Not bad, right? I guess what's so hilarious about this is that Black Flag, especially with their lead singer Henry Rollins, was SO testosterone-based. It wasn't so much that they were macho, although they kinda were, but they were like SO freakin' male, to the point of being these stoic military warriors. You know what I mean?
Well, in any case, this is quite a change of pace, believe me.
What with yesterday's posting about our new pals Sketchytemps, this got me to thinking about what is the craziest job that somebody has that actually does exist?
Seriously? This is the guy? Seriously. This is the guy.
You see, Allen is in charge arranging bachelor parties for a hotel in Las Vegas. What hotel, you ask? Why, the Hooters hotel and casino, of course. No, I'm not kidding.
Seriously? They painted on the trees? Seriously. They painted on the trees.
The interview, for the most part, is what you expect, although there are a few surprising tidbits of information.
What can Oakley put together for your bachelor party? As it turns out, just about anything as long as it's legal in the state of Nevada, which, as it turns out, is just about anything.
What's the most popular kind of party that he puts together? Well, it's a tie between the bachelor party, which is generally like what you expect a bachelor party to be, and the "Celebrate Your Divorce" party, which generally is whatever you did at your bachelor party plus whatever you forgot to do.
But the biggest surprise to me was that you do not have to be a guest of the hotel to utilize Oakley's services. As he puts it, "places like the Bellagio really can't accommodate a bachelor party from start to finish so if you want to stay there but party here, we can do that."
Uh, places like the Bellagio can't accomodate it because they have more going on than just the $5 chicken wing buffet and (somewhat) clever references to breasts:
Seriously? This is the sign? Seriously. This is the sign.
Now, before I get slammed for this testosterone-filled post, allow me to direct you to Hotel Chatter's review of the hotel from a woman's perspective. The summary? Just like the restaurant. The chicken sucks, the shorts are orange, and honestly, you're just there til you're ready to clean up and head back to the Bellagio.
- A Note Of Triumph: The Golden Age Of Norman Corwin, the swell documentary by Eric Simonson and Corinne Marrinan featuring music by yours truly, had its television debut this past week, and many have already written me to ask when it will be on again. I now have the answer! It will next be seen on the Cinemax spinoff More Max on September 13. Check your local listings for times, people, and don't say that I didn't give you enough notice!
- One of our favorite people, Mr. Scotty Iseri, was inspired by the recent story that I posted about the travel agency that specializes in fake trips. So inspired, in fact, that he has now started his own agency called Sketchytemps, which specializes in getting people who pretend like they work for you when they really don't. Services include: pretending like they're your driver, your receptionist, an emergency phone call, and, my personal favorite, fake satisfied customers! References and alibis available upon request. The temps are clear that they will not do anything illegal, but I say if there's a price point for sketchy, then surely there's gotta be a premium for criminal. At least that's how I figure it...
- Another old friend, the strange and hilarious Eugene Mirman, has a very crappy night in a truly crappy motel, and believe me, I can sympathize. But where things get truly hilarious is when he calls cheaptickets.com to try his get his money back. Fortunately, he recorded the whole thing: Part 1 and Part 2. OH MY GOD, I HAVE SO HAD THIS PHONE CALL!
- Well, to no one's surprise, Owen Wilson did not apologize to Steely Dan for turning their song "You, Me and Dupree" into yet another shitty movie starring Owen Wilson. Wilson, for his part, released a statement that said ""I have never heard the song `Cousin Dupree' and I don't even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, `HEY 19.'" Wilson then apologized for his two sentence statement being funnier than anything he has done in the last 10 years. Can't get blood from a stone, I guess.
- Finally, what update would be complete without a mention of Shooby Taylor, The Human Horn! Sadly, there's no news on the upcoming album, which we can only hope will see the light of day soon. However, Shooby's performance on "Showtime At The Apollo" has made it to YouTube! Check it out below, and PLEASE, if you have not yet learned about Shooby, click on the picture to the left. Shraw!
OK, I'm not ashamed to admit that I think these guys are dancing geniuses. If you never saw their first dance video extravaganza, that video is below this one. You are not allowed to live on this earth and not watch that video. So get with it.
But, seriously, watch this new video first and see if you are not impressed with this band's moves. On treadmills! In one freakin' take! Incredible!
What's comedy one day may be stone cold truth the next.
Remember how things were before W was president? It's hard to remember it now, isn't it? I really had to think about it for a second. Things were pretty good back then, really.
Of course, surely you've read The Onion. Hilarious weekly newspaper that satirizes current events, right? Sure.
The key to satire is to get very close to what the truth is, and then exaggerate it just enough that it becomes funny. It's just outrageous enough that it makes people laugh at its absurdity. It's an old comic standby.
Remember that date as you read the following satire:
Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
January 17, 2001 | Issue 37•01
WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."
President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.
Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.
Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: "That's hardly my area of expertise."
Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has "extensive experience" fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.
Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."
"Soon, with John Ashcroft's help, we will move out of the Dark Ages and into a more enlightened time when a woman will be free to think long and hard before trying to fight her way past throngs of protesters blocking her entrance to an abortion clinic," Bush said. "We as a nation can look forward to lots and lots of babies."
Soldiers at Ft. Bragg march lockstep in preparation for America's return to aggression.
Continued Bush: "John Ashcroft will be invaluable in healing the terrible wedge President Clinton drove between church and state."
The speech was met with overwhelming approval from Republican leaders.
"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."
"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."
An overwhelming 49.9 percent of Americans responded enthusiastically to the Bush speech.
"After eight years of relatively sane fiscal policy under the Democrats, we have reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, President Clinton said that the national debt could be paid off by as early as 2012," Rahway, NJ, machinist and father of three Bud Crandall said. "That's not the kind of world I want my children to grow up in."
"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W. Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my people again."
Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.
"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."
"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."
I remember when I woulda laughed at this. Now, it's all I can do not to cry.
William Shatner doing an inexplicable cover of "How To Handle A Woman" from Camelot, a more inexplicable cover of Harry Chapin's "Taxi" and an even more inexplicable cover of ""Rocket Man" that Bernie Taupin introduces, no less!
Oh, and there's that cover of "It Was A Very Good Year" where he's clearly just high as a kite.
