Hey, why work so hard for a thousand virgins in heaven when you can have an aging Italian pornstar right here on Earth?

This, of course, is not an April Fools Day Joke. Do we even need them anymore with stories like this?

A few months ago, I spent a little time in Italy, and, being the night owl I am, I spent some time watching late-night Italian television.

From what I could tell, all Italians basically want to see two things on television: very serious discussions about politics and young good-looking naked chicks. They want to see those two things so badly that they want them to be on the same show, they honestly cannot separate the two, nor do they want to. Imagine Meet The Press with strippers sitting everybody's laps and that, my friend, is basically all shows on Italian television after 10pm.

So it's no surprise to me that Cicciolina, one of the only people in Italy to have been both a porn movie star and a member of Italian Parliament, has a plan for how to deal with Osama Bin Laden in the way that all native Italians know so well.



Speaking at an erotic fair in Bucharest, Romania, Cicciolina said: "It is time someone did something about Bin Laden, and I am ready to do it.

"I am ready to make a deal, he can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only ever helped people while Bin Laden has killed thousands of innocent victims."

The blonde porn star, whose real name is Anna Ilona Staller, pointed out that Bin Laden could learn from Saddam Hussein's mistakes.

In the 1990s she offered herself to Saddam Hussein if he gave up dictatorship of Iraq, and added that if he had taken up her offer "who knows what might have happened."

Yes, because I'm sure that, right now, Saddam Hussein is somewhere going "DAMMIT! IF ONLY I HAD HAD SEX WITH CICCIOLINA, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!"

If only Osama learns from this fatal mistake in time...