It's time for Metaphor Of The Week!

All right, gather around, I'm starting a new department here, called Metaphor Of The Week:

In a story reported this week by the Associated Press, a 1200lb black cow on the way to the slaughterhouse in Great Falls, Montana, was able to break loose of its captors, go on an amazing escape attempt that lasted 7 hours and very nearly resulted in an escape from his captors for good.

It started at 5am when the cow jumped the fence where it was being held, and made a break for freedom. It was spotted in a residential area of Great Falls around 9:30 and local police attempted to coral the cow soon after. They had her wedged between a stock trailer and a fence, but the heifer barreled through the fence toward the river, nearly being hit by a Chevrolet Suburban.

With the police in pursuit, the cow ran toward the railroad tracks and darted in front of an oncoming locomotive, briefly giving the police the slip again. Crossing another road, the cow was nearly struck by a semi tractor-trailer.

``By then it was a madhouse,'' said police officer Corey Reeves. ``People were coming out of the woodwork to see.''

When police, animal control officers and slaughterhouse workers surrounded the cow in a park near the Missouri River, the cow jumped into the icy water. As she swam to the west bank of the river, Reeves said she sank lower in the water and was being swept downstream. But the cow found a sandbar near the river's west bank and walked to shore.

"I was totally amazed she was able to swim the river,'' said Del Morris, the slaughterhouse manager.

As police scrambled to head off the cow on the other side of the river, a veterinarian with a tranquilizer gun was called. Pursuers again believed they had the cow cornered at a chain link fence, but the heifer ran through a perimeter set up by officials. The chase began to slow as the cow ran up against several strong fences. Dr. Jennifer Evans of Big Sky Medical Center shot the cow with a tranquilizer dart. It had little effect. Two darts later, the heifer showed no signs of going down. Slaughterhouse workers created a makeshift pen with metal panels that led to a stock trailer.

Finally, the heifer walked into the trailer at 11:45 a.m. The cow was taken back to the slaughterhouse, where it was put in a pen - with a stronger fence - and given food and water.

In a related story, I have finished my work on SEXUAL PERVERSITY IN CHICAGO at American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco. The show opens Wednesday, and it's a terrific show, so if you're in the Bay Area, I highly recommend that you check it out.


See you next time!