Damn, I'm old.

When it gets right down to it, how do you know when you're old?

Is it the aches and pains? The poor eyesight? That certain point when you start paying attention to that IRA brochure?

Maybe.

But really when it hits home is when the people whom you personally consider to be vibrant and fresh are the ones looking old. That's when you're like "Christ, they're old! And so am I! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Look at these three things that have shown up this week:

- The Buzzcocks are now a soundtrack for an AARP commercial. Literally! "Everybody's Happy Nowadays" is now playing as the underscore for the latest commercial. Oh, people, this is so depressing, I don't even know where to begin. This is the band who had these poppy songs that rattled with chainsaw guitars! "Orgasm Addict" was one of their big hits! But, hey, you think that's depressing? Check out this interview with original Buzzcocks bassist Steve Garvey. I knew there was a good reason why I got out of rock'n'roll. Remind me never to retire.

- Prince is having hip surgery! PRINCE! IS HAVING HIP SURGERY! That is, we think. He's a Jehovah's Witness. (Thanks again, Larry Graham!) And he's still doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl. But still, read this and see if you don't get depressed.

- But the true sign that I'm getting old? The Police are getting back together! For the Grammys! Now, ordinarily this would be a good idea, but after Sly Stone's appearance at the Grammy's last year, lord knows if it's worth all the hype. BUT DAMN! Did you ever think you'd see this?

Hell has frozen over! And the devil is down there thinking "Damn, I'm old."