Finally! Evidence that, in fact, I am God.

So I'm working on this play right now called Splitting Infinity by this young upstart playwright I know. She's got a hot career ahead of her, you wait and see.

Anyway, so the premise of Splitting Infinity is based around an astrophysicist attempting to prove (or disprove) the existence of God through science. Interesting idea, right? Well, so imagine my surprise when the playwright sent me this article from CNN which details a mathematician's formula for proving that there is a 1 in 1000 chance that God does not exist.

The article says:

It is faith, not proof, that makes Christians believe in Jesus Christ's resurrection, the central tenet of the religion. Until now. Oxford University professor Richard Swinburne, a leading philosopher of religion, has seemingly done the impossible. Using logic and mathematics, he has created a formula that he says shows a 97 percent certainty that Jesus Christ was resurrected by God the Father, report The Age and Catholic News.

This stunning conclusion was made based on a series of complex calculations grounded in the following logic:

1. The probably of God's existence is one in two. That is, God either exists or doesn't.
2. The probability that God became incarnate, that is embodied in human form, is also one in two.
3. The evidence for God's existence is an argument for the resurrection.
4. The chance of Christ's resurrection not being reported by the gospels has a probability of one in 10.
5. Considering all these factors together, there is a one in 1,000 chance that the resurrection is not true.

Stunning, right?

Well, no, actually. I mean, what the hell kinda logic is that? You could prove just about anything based on that logic! I know I can, and trust me, math is not my strong suit.

For example:

1. There is a one in two chance that the sandwich that I eat for dinner will, in fact, be the mystically storied "Holy Sandwich", which will immediately imbue me with all the powers of God. Either it is or it isn't.

2. The probability of God became incarnate, that is embodied in sandwich form, is also 1 in 2.

3. The plate that my sandwich was served on is evidence that the sandwich existed, and therefore an argument for ascension to divinity.

4. The chance of me eating a holy sandwich not being reported by the media is a probability of 1 in 10.

5. Considering all these factors together, there is a 1 in 1000 chance that I am not God, as empowered by the holy sandwich.


I'll let you know how it works out after dinner.