My favorite Jack Abramoff story...

...and starring Jack Abramoff as Fiorello!


Hey, everybody! Did you hear that Washington DC is now full of corrupt politicians?

Yes, it just happened the other day. It's all that Jack Abramoff's fault, he made all those poor politicians take his dirty money. Now that Abramoff has been arrested, all the politicians have to do is give all the money back that he gave them, and all the corruption will be gone. Whew! That sure was easy!

Hm. Perhaps not. But once again, the incredulous press refuses to ask the obvious questions: How many more Jack Abramoffs are there in the lobbying world? Is there such a thing as an non-corrupt lobbyist? Isn't the definition of the job that you are paid lots of money to pay other people lots of money?

But, no, it's all full of "How did we not see this coming?"

Really? We didn't see this coming?

Well, I refer you to my favorite Jack Abramoff fact, as reported by The Los Angeles Times. You see, back when Jack was a student at The Hawthorne School, an elementary school in Beverly Hills (also attended by Monica Lewinsky, by the way; it IS a small world), he ran for student council president. He tied for the winner, and so therefore, there was a runoff election that would be held a week later. However, when the time came for that election, the principal of The Hawthorne School disqualified Jack, and declared the other candidate the winner.

Why? He was disqualified for exceeding the spending limit set for the campaigns of students. Turns out Jack threw a lavish party for everyone in his school a couple of days before the runoff election, and the principal justifiably viewed this as an unfair campaign expense that put his campaign over the limit.

For those of you that are irony-impaired, he violated campaign finance law in elementary school!

And did he learn from his mistake? Absolutely. Jack Abramoff never ran for another elected position ever again.

Here's hoping that the message gets through this time.