Self-editing is overrated. Or is it?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

More cowbell!

Do you know what the world has been waiting for?

The world's first modeling cowbell! That's what!

You say you like playing that cowbell, but you want to get different cowbell sounds without switching bells?

HELLO! This is the cowbell for you!

Monday, March 19, 2007

OK, I'm still really sick...

But I can't resist posting this. My eyes are slowly coming back and I think I should be able to start typing for extended periods of time really soon. I'll explain all in a couple of days.

Anyway! You ever wanted to see the moment when a humiliating public event changes a life forever? When you can literally start the clock on how long it will take before someone begins a lifetime of therapy?


I give you the story of 6 year old Etta and American Girl Place.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Please. Just turn off the cameras.

A totally fascinating video, narrated and illustrated by one of the most original animators currently living: Chris Ware.



If you haven't seen "This American Life" on Showtime yet, this may finally be the reason to subscribe to the channel. Besides the soft porn, I mean.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Ann Coulter's next move...

Friday, March 16, 2007

Because, truly, what is St. Patrick's Day without a leprechaun?

One year ago a leprechaun captured the hearts of a small town and became an internet phenomena. My, how time flies. Today, on the eve of St. Patrick’s Day, take a minute to remember the leprechaun from Mobile, Alabama and how one town completely lost their minds.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

If The Departed ran a workers' union...

it would be fuckin' AFSCME! Don't ask me what it means!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The new democracy and how to subvert it... (kinda like the old democracy)




All right, I'm not judging (well, maybe a little), but seriously, let's talk about you and your American Idol habit for a moment, shall we?

Having only seen this season a couple of times so far, I can only say that, more than ever, it's not about the singing, it's about the phone calls. Pure and simple. Either that or people keep confusing Sanjaya with Halle Berry, which is actually not so impossible to believe. See?



Yeesh.

Anyway, where was I?

OH YES! The phone calls!

Now I hear what you're saying. "Lindsay, what can I do? I call and I call and just keep getting the damned busy signal. I'm a victim of circumstance! What can I do?"

Look, you got a computer, whaddya think it's made for? That's right, manipulating reality to bend to your will!



Introducing Dial Idol, the new computer software specifically designed for speed-dialing Americal Idol and shows of the same ilk (i.e. Dancing With The Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, Is There Nothing You Won't Watch?, etc.).

This is not a joke, this is a real piece of software. According to the website, it works like this:

- You download DialIdol software onto your computer. The software is 100% free & safe.

- DialIdol uses your phone & phone modem to automatically speed dial votes for your favorite contestants.

- DialIdol records the result of every call, a vote or a busy signal, then submits this data anonymously to DialIdol.com. DialIdol measures the busy signal to determine which Idols are getting the most votes, based on the results it can automatically direct your votes to one of your favorite Idols, but not necessarily your favorite.

- DialIdol.com receives results from people all over the country and uses the busy/vote ratio to produce a prediction.


According to the website, DialIdol was 87% accurate for season 5 of American Idol and has accurately predicted the winner of every show it has covered.

PLus, they post constant updates to their predictions of who they think will stay on and who will be booted off. They can even tell what states voted for what contestants! (Memo to Sanjaya: head south when the inevitable happens...)

The only downside: it only works on Windows computers. Well, that, and the fact that you have no life due to your endless obsession over this show in the first place.

Not that I'm judging...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

So did you see The Departed yet?

Here it is, in less than 2 minutes. Just click on the picture.

However, beware! It does have some...uh...rough language.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Where not to hide your money from a burglar robbing your house.



Of all places, the blog called Personal Finance Advice has an interview with a former burglar and asks him where he would and would not look for money when robbing a house.

The answers are actually pretty interesting.

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Do you have a problem with squirrels eating all your bird seed?



No?

Thank goodness. Then you can just enjoy this video of squirrels getting dizzy and falling down off of the Twirl-A-Squirrel like I did. Holy crap, is it stupid and hilarious.



If you wanna watch squirrels fall down in your yard, click here. Or just watch the video again. Trust me, it works over and over.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Whoo hoo! New LCD Soundsystem!




All right, all you techno-geek record collectors out there. You know who you are.

The brilliantly-titled blog "Charles Bronson Vs. God" has the first leak of the new album "Sound Of Silver".

It's called "Someone Great" and I would download it from here right now before Capitol Records sends THAT email that we all know so well.

The answer to your question is: YES, it is better than the mix track that he put together for the Nike/Ipod thing. What the fuck was that shit anyway?

Friday, March 09, 2007

What is the price of irony? At the moment, it's about $950.




What's this, you may ask?


Why, it's a massage table that's available for sale on Ebay.


Why am I showing you a massage table that's for sale?



Well, you may recall a certain minister named Ted Haggard, who while preaching openly against homosexuality, was involved with in a gay relationship with a masseur named Mike Jones.


Wait a minute. A masseur?


That's right. It's THAT TABLE.


Mike Jones, the former prostitute who serviced Ted Haggard, is selling the massage table on which Reverend Ted Haggard enjoyed/tested/didn't-really-do-anything himself.

From Mike Jones' Ebay listing:

The table where it all happened. Table is about 10 years old with a few tears but totaly usable.

Will autograph table if requested and in June an autographed book "I Had To Say Something" by Mike Jones will be sent.


The beauty part of this?

All proceeds benefit 'Project Angel Heart', who provides people living with HIV/AIDS, cancer and other life-threatening illnesses nutritious home-delivered meals.

Nice, huh?

Maybe there is a God after all.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

If I gotta watch it, then you gotta watch it.



I'm starting work on "Troilus And Cressida" at Chicago Shakespeare this week, and I've been told that seeing the new movie "The 300" would be helpful in researching the time period. It should be said, however, that the New York Times sums it up as "Much butchery, some lechery."

BUT! The damn thing is sold out! We tried to see it at the IMAX last night, and every single show was completely sold.

So here's the first 5 minutes of the movie to watch until I can get in to see the whole thing. Enjoy!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I'll take mine without cream cheese, thanks.


AdFreak found this ad, for the River City Bagel & Bakery in Boise, Idaho, reportedly ran in the Boise Weekly. No wonder the place has a “fun atmosphere.”

It turns out The Vagina Monologues is playing in town.

Hmmmmm. I do not remember that monologue in the show.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Well, if I can't get DUMBASS, maybe this will work...

Click on the picture.



At least it wasn't a tattoo, right?

Monday, March 05, 2007

The sexiest thing that you'll ever see that involves no nudity.

All right. This next post is not exactly NSFW, but if you have those kinds of issues, you might just glance around before going further, or you may have some splainin' to do otherwise.

So we all know what the internet is really for, which is porn, of course. But what is porn exactly anyway? Traditionally, it's images of people having sex, but in this high tech world we live in now, well....let's just say things have gotten a little more complicated.

Which is why something like the website Beautiful Agony is kinda refreshingly simple and perfect, if you think about it.


OK, so the premise is pretty simple: it's videos of people masturbating. However! You can only see them from the neck up! That's right, no nudity, just their face. That's it. These are not professional actors, these are just real people in real places. Men and women. Separately, and occasionally together. They are not paid for their performance.

As if that wasn't enough, there's also a section called "Confessions" where the people tell what the circumstances were when they made the video.

What's it all like? Well, it's a wide variety of things, as you can imagine. It's occasionally sexy, it's occasionally bizarre, it's occasionally "Jesus, what the hell is going on down there?". It's an experience, let me tell you.

Since I first experienced this concept through a music video by a band from Columbus, Ohio called The Sun, I'm gonna put that video here first. While I'm on the fence about the music, the editing is kinda great, and it's a pretty compelling thing to watch.



OK, now that you've seen that, here's what it's really like in context. Don't say I didn't warn you! Choose your format below the picture.



play windows media

play quicktime

beautifulagony.com


Sunday, March 04, 2007

I bet you a dollar that you cannot do this on the flute.

And if you can, I'm coming over.



Meet Greg Pattillo, master of the beatbox flute.



He's a regular performer in Washington Square Park in New York City, and lives in Brooklyn, NY. While I'm not sure I'd buy a whole album of this stuff, it does begin to undo some of the damage caused by 40 years of Jethro Tull.

Although he does play with other bands such as The National Debt (which is basically him and another guy who thinks he's M. Doughty), I recommend sticking with his solo work.

Another one? All right, why not. Let's do one that's popular around these parts, shall we?

Mr. Pattillo, when you're ready...

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Catfights with the sound people!

You know, the common perception about people who work in the sound industry is that we're kinda quiet geeks who hang out quietly in the back, and then occasionally blast loud noises to unsuspecting people in front of us. For the most part, we live in the shadows and never try to steal the spotlight. This is true.

HOWEVER!

Man, what a week it has been to prove that theory wrong! Sound people have lost their minds!



First, there was Brice Carrington. Brice is a Hollywood sound effects guy, who's name was supplied to a reporter for consideration for an article about him. Brice had a quite a story to tell, too.

Brice had come up from humble beginnings, selling records at swap meets and then eventually was able to get his foot in the door as a sound effects person.

He had received 3 commemorative Oscars for “King Kong,” “Ghost and the Darkness,” and “Jurassic Park.” He has created sound effects for 41 blockbuster films, including "Jurassic Park 3", "Blade, The Blood Hunt", "Rush Hour 2", "Van Helsing", "Superman Returns", "Spiderman", and the "Mummy Returns" sequels.

It was Brice Carrington who gave King Kong his roar, the T-Rex and other dinosaurs their menacing sound in the movie "Jurassic Park", put the hiss in "Snakes on a Plane", the swoosh in Superman’s flight and the swirling sound in Spiderman’s web-shooting. Carrington is the man behind the pops, bangs, booms and blasts of the firepower in "Miami Vice", "True Lies", "The Fantastic Four" and "The Incredible Hulk", etc.

Wow, right? This guy is clearly a Hollywood sound legend.

Only one problem. It was all completely untrue! This man had never done of those things that he had claimed, he just made it all up!

Slowly, other sound designers began to realize that this guy was claiming credit for their work! When the reporter contacted Brice to confront him with these claims, he responded with this admission:

"I am Brice Carrington. I am writing this note to address comments made about me and to state some facts about my work. All the statements made that say directly that I have NEVER worked on a film or have won an academy award for sound is absolutely true. I have never worked on a motion picture nor have I ever won an academy award.

The fact is, I am a sound designer, and I make recreations of sounds found in films and sell them to the public through a brand called Ultimate FX. I am completely responsible for all the misleading or incorrect statements made about me in the press. My effort was to create press for the brand Ultimate FX, which I am the author. I did this foolishly. This is a library where I have made my OWN versions of movie sounds. I have no association with the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. I commemorate the Oscars by creating a version of the main characters in films that win Oscars. Like in Jurassic Park, we make a T-Rex using hogs in water, lion growls, a lawn mower and elephant roars. That is My version. I sell this and other sounds complete with the stems to consumers. This is a lawful enterprise, but misleading the public or allowing mis-characterizations is wrong.

I am issuing an apology for making all of the misleading or mischaracterizations of my work. I apologize to those in the sound industry and the makers of the original works and studios that distribute them for this offense. To correct this, I will ask for retractions were appropriate in the press. I will also refrain from any further public comments and allow the brand and the product to speak for itself through traditional means of sales and marketing. To those in the sound industry and those specifically I have offended, you have a right to be upset, and I offer my sincere apology. I am sorry that you had to spend one minute of your time addressing this. b"


Well, at least he came clean about it, but still! That takes balls, kid.

BUT! That's NOTHING compared to the balls of sound mixer Michael Minkler. Minkler, along with his two colleagues Willie Burton and Bob Beemer, won the Oscar this week for their mixing of "Dreamgirls". Among the people who they beat out for this award was sound mixer Kevin O'Connell, who had been nominated for his mixing of "Apocalypto". O'Connell had recently gotten a lot of press as he's the Susan Lucci of sound mixers: he's been nominated 19 times for an Oscar without ever winning. 19 TIMES! Who can't empathize with that?

Well, clearly, Michael Minkler had heard enough about this by the time he reached the press room backstage with Burton and Beemer after he had won his Oscar. A question was thrown to the trio about what advice they had for the losing Kevin O'Connell. While Burton and Beemer had conciliatory things to say -- "Hang in there, Kevin, you'll get your chance," Burton said -- Minkler's words were the opposite. "I think Kevin should go away with 19 nominations, and find another line of work." he said without cracking a smile. "We work really hard, and if we stumble upon an award, we are so grateful. I just wonder what Kevin's trying to do out there by trying to get an award by using sympathy. And Kevin's an okay mixer, but enough's enough about Kevin."

Reporters have a hard time trying to figure out whether Minkler is serious or not. Turns out he was.

But wait! Is Kevin O'Connell there so we can ask him for a response? No, he's not! Where is he?

Wait for it.

That's right. He's with his dying mother. That's right, his mother who was on her death bed, and died immediately following the Oscars telecast.

BOOM would be the sound that I would put here.

O'Connell responded the following morning through email: "As you may or may not know, my mother Skippy passed away on Sunday night right after the Oscars. I was holding her in my arms when she died. I was not made aware of Mr. Minkler's comments until Monday morning. I have not seen them personally and at this point I have no intention of looking at them or reading about them. I'll get back to you when I get that far down on my list of what is important to me. Take care, Kevin."

Certainly a dignified response. Other sound designers remain completely shocked and aghast at this whole thing. O'Connell's sound mixing partner for "Apocalypto", Greg P. Russell, was pissed to say the least as he spoke to Incontention.com about whether or not Minkler was serious about his comments:

"He was absolutely sincere with that BULLSHIT. That man has lost whatever respect he had from a ton of people. Kevin, mind you, left the ceremonies right after our award and went to the hospital where his mother passed away in his arms at 11:32 pm. As if Kevin didn't have enough to deal with. He wakes up to this bullshit."

"It's been a really weird couple of days. I've been fielding all the calls because Kev has been out. The head of our studio came in to say he blasted Minkler for his assault. I even kicked myself for being congratulatory that night. Minkler said to me when I congratulated him that I was always a classy guy and he appreciated that a lot. Integrity is something that means everything to me and this man has absolutely NONE. He stood backstage representing the entire Sound Community in front of the world, only to disgrace us all."


OH, LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU, MY FRIENDS. There is one rule in Hollywood that you must never never break. That rule is BE NICE TO EVERYONE PUBLICLY, even if they're screwing you. Especially if they're screwing you. Because you never know.

You never, never know.

Friday, March 02, 2007

How do you make a record?

Here, let's ask Duke Ellington!



This promotional short (or "soundie", as they used to call them back then) for Irving Mills' short-lived Master and Variety labels not only gives us a glimpse of Ellington and his band in the actual Master/Variety studios (as opposed to a soundstage set), but is one of the very few film accounts of how records were recorded, plated and pressed in the long-ago age of analog, shellac and 78 rpm. Narration is provided by pioneer radio announcer Alois Havrilla.

These soundies were short musical filmclips that were played in jukeboxes in the thirties and forties. The device that played them used a mirror. The films were made in reverse and then their mirror images were projected to the viewers.

You can find this film as part of the truly fantastic DVD that's included in RCA's "The Centennial Collection" CD, that's now out of print but still can be picked up here. I bought this cd for a production of "Born Yesterday" that I was doing at Milwaukee Repertory, but spent most of my free time watching this DVD, which is fantastic.

AND CHECK THIS OUT! Also featured on the DVD is this soundie of Duke's "Cottontail", titled "Hot Chocolates" features some ASTOUNDING dancing by Whitey's Lindy Hoppers! Watch this and see if their dancing doesn't blow your mind!




Cast:
Duke Ellington Orchestra featuring Ben Webster
Whitey's Lindy Hoppers (In order of appearance):
William Downes and Frances "Mickey" Jones
Norma Miller and Billy Ricker
Al Minns and Willa Mae Ricker
Ann Johnson and Frankie Manning

The group known as "Whitey's Lindy Hoppers that appears in this soundie was also known as the "The Harlem Congaroos". They were the undisputed stars of all the groups of Whitey's dancers. After completing the filming of Hellzapoppin', the group had a contract to do a second film for Universal Studios. However, Whitey received an offer for them to perform in Rio de Janiero, Brazil, and decided he did not want his dancers to wait around for a script that was offbeat enough to incorporate the dancers. Such scripts had proven to be few and far between in the past.

In order to break the contract, Whitey agreed to make this soundie, which was an enormous hit throughout the United States. The bombing of Pearl Harbor took place while the Harlem Congeroos were in Rio, and they were unable to get back home to the United States after their 6-week engagement was over.

They spent 6 months working to make enough money to secure their safe passage back to the USA and finally managed to fly back to Florida, where they arrived with no money in their pockets to make the trip back to New York. In Miami they discovered that the soundie of "Hot Chocolates" was a big hit and was on every jukebox! They found employment with a nightclub owner who capitalized on the popularity of this soundie by advertising that he had the "Hot Chocolates in Person!"

All I know is that the peeople dancing in that video are made of elastic. There's simply no other explanation. They have to be.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Who's the guy in the produce section dressed like Darth Vader?

It's Darth's younger brother, Chad.

Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager.

In Madison, Wisconsin, no less!

This is Episode 1.



Go here to learn more about Chad or see all his episodes here!

 
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