Self-editing is overrated. Or is it?

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Apparently, looking into a ViewMaster will give you superhuman powers in a homoerotic music video.

All right, I'd like an explanation here. I know this video is old but honestly, I still can't make sense of it.



I'll give you the plot description as you watch.

A young boy (who seems about 12 years old) passes a beggar on the street, whom he irritatedly refuses, and then, steps later, finds a ViewMaster in the trash. He's suddenly transported to a beach where there are all these beautiful women who are strangely attracted to the three gayest-looking dudes that I have ever seen. The three guys have identical haircuts and suntans, and are singing very suggestive lyrics while executing the most unsexy dance moves ever.

The beautiful women, clearly put off by these moves, first beat the crap of the guys in a game of touch football. Then, realizing that these guys and their haircuts are worthless, the women begin fawning over this young boy (who, again, looks like he's 12 YEARS OLD). The boy, now totally feeling dirty, pulls the ViewMaster away from his eyes.

But, strangely compelled by the Fellini-esque freakshow he has just witnessed, the boy cannot resist looking into the ViewMaster again. This time, he is transported to a basketball court, where the three guys are dancing badly in the rain while wearing life jackets. They then begin playing basketball with some other guys, who also appear to beat the crap out of them. The young boy races onto the court, and somehow dunks a basketball to show, once and for all, who is the master of all he sees.

The three guys, who for the first time finally understand how sports are clearly something that they should avoid, go back to dancing badly in the rain, while increasing the amount of their suntan color. The beautiful women from the beach begin fawning once again over the young boy, who strangely strikes some sort of Gary Coleman stance as he once again asserts his manliness over the three guys.

The young boy, now drunk on his own power and testosterone, dresses up like a pimp straight of "Superfly" (complete with a furry hat, no less!) and steals a yellow Corvette for his own. The three guys go into the worst breakdown in history, complete with a flailing dance move to symbolize their loss of sexuality. The beautiful women, who are now convinced that the young boy/pimp is their only possibility of ever achieving reproductive success, rush towards the boy/pimp and begin throwing themselves at him.

The young boy seizes with one last flash of guilt, and tears the Viewmaster from his eyes. Realizing that the power of the ViewMaster is too great for him, he takes his revenge on the beggar by tricking him into accepting the ViewMaster, and as a result, his own doom. The end.

HELP ME! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS! ARE THEY SAYING THAT VIEWMASTERS ARE A SHORTCUT TO MANLINESS? ARE THEY SAYING THAT ANYONE WHO REFUSES TO DANCE IN THE RAIN IS A PIMP AND SHOULD BE FLOODED WITH SEXUAL GRATIFICATION? ARE THE THREE GAY GUYS JUST A METAPHOR FOR THE SUNTAN THAT OUR SOULS WILL NEVER ACHIEVE, DUE TO OUR COLLECTIVE METAPHYSICAL LACK OF ATHLETIC ABILITY? WHAT?!?! TELL ME!!!!!!!

An interview with the three guys leads to no answers but many more questions.

No wonder this group is so big in Germany.

PLEASE. For God's sake, explain this to me in the comments section.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Smirk said...

So, will the domestically challenged man become a pimp too? Or will he be added to the group of "singers" who are all, clearly, the same person?

2/16/2007 10:18 PM

 
Anonymous edrawl said...

My inclination is to give a full depth analysis into every element you have so carefully descibed. However the energy involved would not be worth the payoff which would be as lame as the video itself.
What I'm most worried about is that you are watching things like this in order to bring it to us, your loyal followers.

2/17/2007 6:09 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously this is about the power of the female over the male...hence the men trying to look like girls. The women beat the men at everything they try. Or maybe it's about going down on other people??? "if you go down on me, I'll go down on you?" Maybe, it's about the young black boy giving sexual pleasure through a viewmaster to the homeless man...
wow... I think I've gone too far...

2/17/2007 8:22 PM

 

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