Well, now who hasn't had this happen?

Wild nights! Drunkeness! Debauchery! Shameless acts that you're ashamed of now!

Who hasn't had this happen?

Well, besides me, I mean. (It's a long story.)

All right, how about this one?

Raise your hands if you've ever had a little too much to drink. Wow, that's pretty much all of you.

OK, so now how many of you were drunk maybe decided to drive home anyway? OK, a few hands go down, but still quite a few of you out there.

All right, so you're driving home in your brand new custom-designed Cadillac Escalade and...

Oh, some of you don't have a Cadillac Escalade? OK, you can put your hands down.

So, ok, the rest of you are driving your Escalade, and you turn on the DVD player located in your dashboard and...

Oh, no DVD player in the dash for some of you? Huh. OK. Well, those people can put your hands down.

Anyway, so while you're driving, you're watching your DVD player, which of course has got a pornographic movie playing, and well, you're starting to get a little turned on, so you start masturbating while you're driving and...

Wait, some of you haven't done this either? Wow. OK, put your hands down.

So, you're driving intoxicated, watching porn and masturbating when you actually slam into the back of a parked car. So you find the guy who owns the car and offer to give him a new car if he won't make a fuss about it. Then, when the police show up, you use your celebrity status to keep from getting arrested, and actually get the police to drive you home without pressing charges.

All right, it seems like almost all of you have put your hands down. In fact, there's only one of you now with your hand up.

Therefore, you must be Eddie Griffin, center for the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Doh!

Here, watch this news report about yourself and see if you can figure out why everyone is laughing and pointing at you today.

Hey, it happens to all of us.

Well, not quite. But you get the idea.