Order! Order in the....oh, nevermind, you deserve it.

There's no two phrases that have as much potential for comedy as the phrases: "Paris Hilton" and "court testimony".

Now, as you may remember, Paris is currently defending herself in defamation lawsuit brought by the film actress, Zeta Graff, who has accused her of planting untrue tabloid stories in The New York Post about an alleged fight the pair had in Kabaret, a London nightclub, last June. Graff had previously dated Hilton's most recent previous fiance, Paris Latsis, before she moved onto to a different rich Greek guy. The original article in the New York Post had alleged that when Hilton went on to the dance floor with Latsis, Graff started screaming at them and had to be ejected from the club. While Graff admits that an argument took place, she denies causing a scene.

All right, courtesy of the world's classiest newspaper,The London Sun, here we go. This is all actual testimony under oath by Miss Hilton:

- When Paris was asked if the false story appeared in the UK, she replied: “No. There is stuff in London.”

- When informed by her lawyer London was in the UK, Paris said: “Right. UK. Whatever.”

- She told a pre-trial hearing that she did not know if the story appeared in Europe, because “I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French," she explained. "I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America.”. When the lawyer inquired if she was saying that everyone in Europe speaks French, she said yes.

- When asked the name of an acquaintance that might have been in the club that night, she responded: “I meet so many people. I don’t even know some of my friends’ names.”

- Pressed for the name of a pal, Paris said: “It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas.”

- Explaining how the argument with Ms Graff began, Paris told the court: “I just said to her, she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that, I just — what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all.”

- When explaining the email that she sent to her former publicist praising him for planting the false story (which she dictated to him), she said: “Whatever I write in email, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just words that I write.”

- At a slow moment during the cross-examination, she announced to the entire courtroom "I'm hungry." and started looking around for someone to bring her something to eat.

Everyone pretended to ignore her, so as to not to further embarrass the entire legal justice system and the social class structure that put this poor girl in this position of privilege in the first place.

It didn't work.